Jake:   can you tell them you’re in mourning
your walk buddy was M.I.A. today
Lani:   Hahahha
How can I take anything that you say serious
If you bust out with comments like that
Jake:   well i missed our walks
and messaging you

Jake:   i have a confession.. i missed you the past few days
Lani:   Really
Jake:   yes rRReally 😀

one thing is for sure.. you make me smile.. actually you make me excited..
there’s a part of me that I didn’t think was still there..
and I guess somehow.. you made me feel it

you also made going to work more enjoyable
the hardest part of work is getting to work..
now it’s one of the best part

Jake:     Lani
Lani:     yes Jake
Jake:    I think you’re looking too far
it’s right in front of you

cuteness dies
specially with crow’s feet
and freckles

she was standing in the kitchen with the phone in her ear
she never told me what happened
I was about up to her hip
I remember looking up
at first she was holding back her tears
and then.. she started to cry
and it made me cry
for no reason

Lani:    Since you like me more than you should don’t you think that you should maybe stop talking to me so much
Jake:    it’s your call
your wish is my command
Lani:    Why is it my call?
Jake:    I am flexible
Lani:    How is that my decision to make and not yours
Jake:    my decision is.. “i like what I like”

Jake:   i miss you Lani
shhh
that was a typo
dang auto correct
Lani:   Was it
Jake:   hahahah
Lani:   So I should ignore that
Jake:   see you’re lucky
i left it open
i gave you an out
Lani:   Why give me an out?
Was it a mistake or did you really meant it?
Jake:   i was joking about the typo
i don’t want to make you uncomfortable.. last thing i want to do
Lani:   Not at all
It’s nice to know someone misses me

Jake:   i’m happy to get up and drive to work
Lani:   Why is that?
Jake:   funny!
Lani:   2hr lunches
Jake:   no Lani
i get to walk YOU in
and spend a little time with you
Lani:   You are too sweet
Jake:   you’re like eye candy to me
Lani:   Am I really?
Jake:   i keep on taking little glances.. trying not to look too long
Lani:   I don’t think I will ever understand that
I am not pretty
Jake:   yeah there’s no way you will understand it because it’s from my perspective not yours

Jake:   when you look at me.. do you think i might be into you too much?
Lani:   The way you look at me it’s different than anyone before
I think that’s why I avoid looking at you
Jake:   i’m sorry
Lani:   No it’s ok I am not used to it
It’s weird
It’s all about me not being comfortable in my own skin

Jake:   so i woke up maybe two times last night
both times.. i wondered if you were able to sleep
Lani:   Nope
I was awake till about 2am
I just didn’t want to bother you
Trust me I thought about texting you but I told my myself no, he is busy
Jake:   hmm..
busy thinking about what you were doing
Lani:   Hmmm
Crazy
Jake:   it’s okay.. at least we were doing the same thing.. sort of.. i was busy thinking of a girl and you were busy thinking of a boy and of sleeping.. or not sleeping

Jake:    got a question.. do you have pets?
Lani:    No pets why
Jake:    i’m in dan’s car and he had a dog
got me all itchy
😕
Lani:    Lmao
Jake:    just making sure we are beyond compatible
i refuse to fall for a girl with cats

Jake:   did you know you give gifts every morning? every morning when i wake up i get a little message that let’s me know i’m important or special to someone. thank you for making my mornings awesome!
Lani:   You are welcome! You are important and special…. I am glad I make your mornings awesome!

Lani:   Does your keyboard miss me?
Jake:   screw my keyboard.. i miss you..
Lani:   Lmao
Remember you told me that
That your keyboard missed me
I miss you too!

Lani:   Can you imagine yourself working with me
Same dept
Jake:   lots of lunches together
breaks
i’m sure you would grow tired of me
Lani:   Nope I think that you would get tired of me
Jake:   no way

Lani:   Good morning, Jake!
Last night I couldn’t sleep until one because I couldn’t remember if I thanked you for lunch.
Thank you for lunch!
Jake:   Good morning Lani!
Thank you for allowing me to take you.
I think I like you too much.
Lani:   Another reason why I couldn’t sleep was because I didn’t get to talk to you. Is that a bad thing.
Jake:   i kept on waking up
maybe we need a good night too?

you know what’s different about our relationship? we’re able to connect without being physical. i think most of the time, people like each other and get physical right away.. and bam are forced into a relationship.

Lani:   I forgot that my kcups are still at home
Jake:   looks like someone has to go down stairs
Lani:   I refuse to go downstairs
Lol
Jake:   i heard it’s delicious down there
Lani:   Stop
I will not give in to my addiction
Jake:   ahh two addictions.. you will give in to one of them
Lani:   2?
What’s the other?
Jake:   oblivious much?

Lani: Hay Jake
Jake: what’s happening?
Lani: Nothing
I miss you
Jake: i might be missing you more
Lani: Hmmm
Jake: i know i miss you more

Jake: no mothers here that are remotely easy on the eyes
Lani: Be nice
Jake: maybe you ruined me for everyone else
hahaha
Lani: Hahaha
A little dramatic

Jake: i woke up all confused.. my phone says 4:15 but it’s still sunny.. and i forgot to say good night to you..
can you believe for a few second
i thought it was morning?
and i suddenly got really sad
Lani: Why
Jake: i was like.. man i didn’t say good night to Lani 😔
Lani: Aww that’s sweet

Jake: we are looking at books
their school is doing a book fair
to raise money for the school
okay they got their books
time to check out
Lani: Buy me one
Lol
Jake: okay!
this is what i got for you
Lani: Did you really?
Jake: yes
Lani: That’s awesome
Jake: lots of hearts

Lani:   Why do you have to tempt me like that
Cruel
Jake:   because it’s my responsibility to tempt you
Lani:   Really

Jake:   i like pretty much everything you give me.. i’m a fan for Lani
like people are fans of JT
justin timberlake
Lani:   Thanks
You always make me smile
Jake:   unconditionally
Lani:   Forever?
Jake:   hmm. as humanly possible
Lani:   I know
Jake:   it has always been about your happiness
whenever you get tired of me.. when you can’t handle what i give.. when you realize you can’t return the same energy i show..

Jake:   it’s crazy you thought of a girl you never met
Lani:   Who me lol
Jake:   yes you
you said this song makes you think of cali girl
Lani:   Yes
I don’t know why
Jake:   it’s like you’re a part of me
so crazy
Lani:   Crazy crazy
Jake:   have you felt like this for anyone in such a short time
maybe it hasn’t been that short?
Lani:   Not like this
I have made good friends with other people and feel like I have known them for years but our connection is different

Jake:   did you know you made me sad today
Lani:   I am sorry if I did
Was it when I was kind of mad
Jake:   yes
it was when you kept on saying no
i felt your were angry
Lani:   Am sorry
Jake:   i should have went walking with you
i see how i was at fault
Lani:   It’s who I am, I think I do that when I feel I am getting closer to someone
No you guys had a hard decision to make me or ice cream and I understand why you chose something delicious over me lol
I am really sorry, the last thing I want is to make you sad
Jake:   i read (your messages) wrong
i didn’t know you asked me to walk
but now it makes sense
Lani:   So I walked longer to see you but nothing lol
Jake:   i’m so bad
i’m so sorry
all i was doing was thinking of you
i even shared my ice cream
Lani:   Why are you sorry, you have nothing to be sorry about
I will talk to you later. Dinner time!
I will be missing you!
Jake:   i miss you

Jake:   i think i more than miss you
Lani:   More than miss me
Jake:   yes
Lani:   How is that possible?
Jake:   it’s possible
Lani:   how do you know you more than miss me
Jake:   because i think about you all the time
all the time
i check my phone for a good night and good morning
to be close to you i listen to music that makes me think of you
Lani:   You know that’s not good right
Jake:   i look out the window and day dream
maybe i need a hobby to focus my attention
Lani:   I just don’t want you or myself to get hurt
Jake:   i know
i don’t want you to get hurt
Lani:   I know
Jake:   did you feel hurt yesterday when we didn’t show up to walk with you?
Lani:   Not hurt but I was looking forward to our walk
Jake:   you should have been forward about that request with me
Lani:   I know it’s my fault
Jake:   like how you are point plank with me
asking me who i like

Lani:   Question
Jake:   your question?
Lani:   I forgot
Lol
Jake:   did you really?
or are you afraid of the answer?
Lani:   No
Ok let me ask
Maybe
I should just wait for the 6 month probation to be over
Jake:   please ask
maybe it can better prepare you for when the probation period comes
Lani:   How do you know when liking someone is becoming more than that?
Jake:   easy
great example
we both like nick
we can hang out with him, walk with him, talk with him, eat with him, share some stories with him
but would we like to share more
that’s when you know you more than like someone
like i don’t miss nick
i don’t think about him when i exercise
when i listen to music
when i watch a movie
when i fall a sleep
when i wake up
Lani:   If you did then you would be in trouble
Jake:   hahahah
then i would be dan
Lani:   Yup
Should we keep distance from each other
Jake:   it’s your call
Lani:   No Jake don’t make me decide
Jake:   whatever you want Lani
Lani:   It’s what we both want
Jake:   if your happiness can be achieved with less time spent with me
then i will do that without pushing back
Lani:   Not just me
You have some saying too you know
Am happy when we talk, walk, chat
Jake:   are you happy when i hug you?
or hold your hand ever so slightly
Lani:   Yes

Lani:   Oh lord I am so confused
Jake:   are you more confused today then a month ago?
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   okay question you probably can’t answer
when did you think.. “oh man this might be trouble”
do you know when that happened?
Lani:   The first time you hugged me
I felt something that I shouldn’t have
Jake:   that’s why that last hug was a one arm thing
because you were afraid to give and receiving more..
Lani:   Yes very afraid
Jake:   you were afraid of the bond
Lani:   Yes

Jake:   harder question
can we be friends without falling
Lani:   I don’t know
Can we?
Jake:   have you had a friend that you shared everything with but you weren’t romantically attracted to
Lani:   I am trying really hard to keep my feelings buried
Yes I have
Jake:   you’re doing a good job
what happened to that friend?
Lani:   We are still friends
Jake:   is he married?
what kept you two from dating?
Lani:   No
He has a girlfriend
There was no connection like that
Is was just a friendship
Jake:   i’m sure what’s happening here is my fault.. i shared too much of my stories and feelings to a pretty girl that likes romance
Lani:   It’s not just your stories
Jake:   and how i approach life
Lani:   It’s who you are
You are an amazing person
I miss you and not like i miss a friend
Jake:   me too

Jake:   we are basically like planes circling above the airports.. can’t land to experience what the city below us holds..
Lani:   Very true
One day we will land right
At least I hope

Lani:   What do you see in your future?
Jake:   the truth?
more of the same
i don’t want to hurt anyone
i don’t mind getting hurt
i sometimes enjoy it
Lani:   We are so alike
Jake:   because i know at one point it means i felt something
and something happened

i never want to let you go

Jake:   i like it when you hit me
Lani:   Do you really? Why?
Jake:   1) when you punch it doesn’t hurt
2) it feels like a love punch
3) you’re touching me
Lani:   😂
So I should punch you more often
Jake:   YES!
and i should try to provoke you more often

Lani:   I will try to text you later but know that I will be missing you!
Jake:   i miss you a lot Lani
Lani:   You mean you miss Claudia a lot hahaha
I miss you a lot too!

Jake:   are you dressed up?
Lani:   Am too cheap remember lol
Am myself lol
Jake:   my favorite character/costume
Lani:   Really
I miss you!
Jake:   i want to hold you ms oblivious
Lani:   😊

Jake:   good thing you have someone that’s trying to fill that void
Lani:   Fill what void
Jake:   void of feeling loved
Lani:   And who is that
Jake:   yours truly
Lani:   😊
Good thing I met you

Jake:   it all depends on where we are in march 😄
Lani:   Hahahah
Jake:   you still have a lot of time to break my heart 🤔
Lani:   Me?
Or for you to break my heart?

Lani:   So you will get tired of me soon lol
Jake:   soon you say
bet number three?
define soon
Lani:   Before March
Jake:   Ok bet #3

Jake:   so yesterday.. while i was running.. i kept on telling myself i need to tell you i miss you less.. 😁
Lani:   Why is that?
Jake:   i was thinking of my sister in law
i’m sure she says that every 5 minutes
i want it to mean something
Lani:   You know that also means we should text, iM less right
Jake:   no no
just not say “i miss you” so much
Lani:   So when you say it you are only saying it for the hell of it not because it means something
Jake:   if i text or IM you less i would be missing you more
i say it because i mean it
but i don’t want it to feel normal or routine to you
it’s always about the receiver..
Lani:   Hmmm
Jake:   grass can only receive so much water..
if you over do it.. you might drown it..
Lani:   Lol
Jake:   can you drown grass?
Lani:   No
Jake:   but you get what i’m trying to say
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   okay so i can’t drown you
another perfect analogy

Jake:   kevin is funny.. he said.. “i think she likes you”
Lani:   Lmao
You caught me off guard with your good morning
Jake:   i guess people can tell when you’re attracted to someone
i know.. my good mornings are ticklish

Jake:   that was the best hug out of all our hugs
Lani:   Why is that?
Jake:   somehow it felt like the best hug so far
i think you actually tried to hug me today
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   i don’t think we can beat it
Lani:   I think we can
Jake:   😄
you make me so happy Lani!
Lani:   Hard to believe I make someone that happy.
I have your smell with me now
Jake:   your words are powerful to me
Lani:   Why
Jake:   i like your response.. “i think we can”

Jake:   okay so question.. would our relationship be stronger if we ever end up kissing and felt nothing? so then we can really be best friends?
you’re the only person i share all my thoughts to..
Lani:   Probably but it would also mean that there would be a chance we would feel something and that would mess it up
Jake:   too late on messing it up..
you actually gave me a meaningful hug

Jake:   something about you ms oblivious..
Lani:   What?
Jake:   how did you get me in less than a month
Lani:   I don’t know
You tell me
Jake:   okay i have been telling you more
so.. i want to read it from your angle
how did you do it?
Lani:   How did I do what?
I still don’t know what you are talking about?
Jake:   hmm.
how did you make me miss you so much?
Lani:   Because we have tons of things in common
Jake:   i think that’s it
Lani:   You opened up to me which I might be the first girl you do that with
Jake:   it scares me that i might have found the one that’s meant for me
Lani:   That is pretty scary

Lani:   You know I could talk to you 24/7
Jake:   i know i feel the same way!
my ride home is too fast.. my walk to your car is too quick.. the stairs are too short
the hours at work flies by for me
so i’m conflicted
i want 4:30 to come but not really
because i know you’re leaving
but that’s the best part of my day
delaying your departure
Lani:   Wow!

I have never missed anyone as much as I miss you..
and the crazy thing is.. there’s a lot more to miss with you
there’s a lot more to do.. that we haven’t done..

we’re going to be missing each other forever?

I’ll probably wait for you forever

I know.. when we are together.. we really get lost in each other

Jake:    I didn’t know I would fall for you..
I mean.. miss you..
Lani:    Which one is it Jake?
Jake:    you make me.. smile a lot Lani
question.. is there a difference?
Lani:    Yes
Jake:    if there is.. I would like you to define the difference
Lani:    One will mean that there is way more feelings than there should be because of our situations (We will get hurt)….
the other means you miss someone but they don’t mean too much yet
Jake:    hahaha
rRReally?
Lani:    Yes really
Jake:    okay.. so I don’t mean too much.. to Lani
you got yourself into the question
Lani:    Dang it Jake
You mean more than I thought you would and it scares me
Does that answer your question
Jake:    Wait, which part scares you?
Lani:    My feelings

how is the simplest things.. make me smile.. so happy inside

Jake:   i like sharing the group conversation with you
i was going to ask you to pick a pastry but maybe it’s better to surprise you
Lani:   I like that you share with me
Jake:   lucky for you i love sharing with you
Lani:   From like to love
Jake:   😬
love to share 😄
Lani:   I know
I don’t expect you to love me
Jake:   maybe it’s too late
Lani:   I don’t think so
Jake:   would you be mad at me if i do
Lani:   No why would I get mad at you
Jake:   because you might not be ready
to hear or feel it
Lani:   True but the heart wants what the heart wants right

Jake:    I like you more than you know
I just don’t want to.. just say it..
maybe if we have a super special moment..
maybeeee
Lani:    Maybe huh

Lani:    Listening to your song right now
Should I imagine myself and you in the video?

Lani:   If you only knew Jake.
Jake:   how did i find you?
Lani:   You didn’t
Jake:   who found who? 😁
Lani:   We found each other

Lani:   I miss you already
Jake:   i think i’ve fallen Lani..
i miss you |—————-😄—————-| this much
Lani:   Don’t let yourself fall for me
Don’t make your life difficult
Jake:   😀
maybe it’s too late 😁
i’ll be okay
i like the way i feel
Lani:   But will you be okay in the long run
Jake:   yes of course
Lani:   You deserve the best you know that right
Jake:   i rather found something and lose it than never find it at all
Lani:   True
You know that my feelings for you have grown tremendously
I am not ready to express everything that I feel
Jake:   😁
Lani:   😀
I wonder if my idiot smile is super noticeable
Jake:   hahaha
not idiot smile!
Lani:   Hahaha
Jake:   you know i don’t except you to feel the same
i’m happy with how i feel
Lani:   I know
I think my feelings might be more than I am willing to accept
I think am in denial
Jake:   i miss you! a lot!
Lani:   I miss you a lot too!!!!
More than you will ever know

Lani:   Smiling like an idiot again!!!!
Jake:   hahahah
Lani:   It’s a great feeling

Jake:   good morning Lani!
Lani:   Good morning, Jake!
How are you doing?
Jake:   i’ve been thinking about how much i enjoy just sitting in the break room with you. sometimes having to whisper..
😳 no running for two days..
i think my body needs to run to get a good nights rest because i still feel sleepy
Lani:   And you woke up earlier
Jake:   ok the part of me that wants to say good morning.. is determined to say good morning no matter what
he’s stubborn
Lani:   Hahaha
You are crazy!
Jake:   i think that part of me of is really into you

Jake:   are you in your sexy jeans?
Lani:   Jeans yes
Jake:   hahaha
but not sexy
Lani:   Sexy no
Jake:   funny
if we were both single my hands would be all over your jeans.. like my eyes
you look really good in your jeans
so yes.. sexy!

Lani:   I just burned myself
It hurts
Jake:   are you making breakfast?
Lani:   No
Curling iron
Jake:   hair curler?
ahh
Lani:   Again shit
Jake:   which part of you do i need to kiss?
where are both boo boos
Lani:   Hand
Left
Jake:   same place twice?
Lani:   Same hand different place
Jake:   man.. it’s hard to be a girl
Lani:   You see the 2 red spots
Jake:   i see two red spots.. looks itchy
okay you just made my right hand want to hold that left hand
Lani:   Why
Jake:   because they fit together
hahaha
Lani:   Hahaha
Jake:   okay get ready
Lani:   It burns so bad
Jake:   ice and water?
Lani:   No
Jake:   have to tried to treat it?
Lani:   Nope
Jake:   you’re just as stubborn as my heart
time to get ready
Lani:   That’s why your heart likes me
Jake:   because it’s stubborn like you.. hmm.. i think it likes more than your stubbornness
Lani:   I know

Jake:   hmm.. if it was up to me.. i would take you on an adventure
Lani:   You know that if I had a say in all that I would stay and go with you on an adventure!
Jake:   if you could you would huh.. our phone calls.. if i let you go in a happy way.. would it make hanging up easier?
Lani:   Probably not
Jake:   😀
Lani:   I think it would be hard regardless

Jake:   i still can’t believe you’re the girl at jerrybuilt
Lani:   Why
Jake:   because the girl i saw.. i had an instant crush
Lani:   Hahaha
So I am not the “first time I see you I have a crush on you” girl
Jake:   hmm.. interesting
i can say that about you too.. jake is no superman
😆
Lani:   Yes you are not superman, you are more than a guy that looks handsome

Lani:   I didn’t want to let go
Is that bad
Jake:   i didn’t want to let go too..
wow
i smell you
how do you do that.. give better and better hugs..
i think you are giving me more and more
Lani:   Hmmm
I am giving you more and more and that scares me you know

Lani:    Maybe the girl from Jerrybuilt will be better
hahaha
Jake:   that girl really got me
I think I totally zoned out
I was completely mesmerized

to me you’re exactly what I want..
you can feel everything..
like I feel everything
you care like I care..
you over please sometimes..
okay maybe all the time
we enjoy very similar things..
I think we are just connected
I wonder if the moment at jerrybuilt.. was our moment
I don’t know why.. but I really couldn’t look away
even though you were grumpy.. tell me you didn’t feel something..

Lani:    I was just going to say that I love that about you and that’s probably why I am a mess

Jake:   wow!
Lani:   Another wow
Jake:   i closed my eyes!!! and it felt even better!
my first time
Lani:   Oh lord we are in trouble for real
Jake:   i didn’t know you’re supposed to close you eyes
that was crazy!
oh my gosh!!
how come you didn’t tell me
jake you’re supposed to close you eyes
Lani:   What to close your eyes?
Jake:   yes!!!
Lani:   You just feel it and do it
Jake:   i didn’t know
like riding a roller coaster you’re supposed to relax but you don’t know that unless someone tells you
Lani:   Not true
Jake:   so you knew the first time you rode a roller coaster to relax?
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   i used to lock up
and it felt so scary
but then one day i just relaxed
raised my arms and it was amazing
Lani:   Lol
Jake:   holy moly Lani!
the world looks different all of a sudden
Lani:   How is that?
Jake:   i think i’m on a high
the air feels better!
the trees look prettier
Lani:   You are crazy!
Jake:   everything looks and feels clearer
i think it’s because i let go
Lani:   You know this is not healthy either right
Jake:   okay question
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   did you feel it too?
maybe it was just me
Lani:   I felt it alright
I didn’t want to let go
Jake:   hahaha
well i’m still tingling from it
so wild!
oh my god.. it’s like you’re my first love.. everything else feels so fake.. or incorrect
i felt so much more with my eyes closed
it was and is amazing
i’m getting all hot thinking about it
Lani:   Seriously you make me smile even when I am not talking to you

Jake:   i miss you so much it feels empty
Lani:   I miss you too
Jake:   i’m supposed to enjoy my mini vacations (weekends) but i’m just looking forward to monday morning
Lani:   I know what you mean!

Lani:   So I am such a stalker I was checking out your Facebook again lol
Jake:   i’m into you
we are our own stalkers

Jake:   you know i already feel that way
no need to say it right?
😊
Lani:   Yes no need to say
Jake:   sweet!
glad that’s out of the way
hahahah
Lani:   Funny
Oh Jake we are in big trouble
Jake:   i know .. 😔
i can’t help it
listening to all of you
all of me
Lani:   You know that we talk, message or see each other I feel this nervousness as if I was a teenager again
My heart is going a million miles per hour
Jake:   i know.. remember i told you.. i thought i wouldn’t be able to feel this
Lani:   Crazy feeling!
Jake:   hey! no stroking out on me
Lani:   Lol
I might one day
Jake:   no you won’t
when i hold you all is good
Lani:   You never know
That might be when
Jake:   you never know..
when you finally stop feeling what you feel
i know
Lani:   No when I can’t handle it anymore and my emotions/feelings take over I might just be in heaven
So happy that it’s too good to let go
For real
I wouldn’t mind dying when I am extremely happy

Lani:   she is looking at it with me and she said Papa lol
Jake:   whatever
Lani:   I love that picture
For real
Jake:   she didn’t say papa
Lani:   She did
And pointed at you lmao
Jake:   too cute!
Lani:   She is crazy
Jake:   tell her i love her
hahahah
Lani:   Hahaha
Damn you look good
Like sexy good

Jake:    ready to miss me?
Lani:    never ready

so when we are in the car together.. we are conflicted.. we want to listen to music.. but we also want to hear each other..

Jake:    is that a challenge?
Lani:    no challenge
Jake:    HAHAHA
I knew you would say that
Lani:    Did you
Jake:    yes
you are afraid of me accepting that challenge
hence no challenge
Lani:    Yes very afraid
I am not going to deny that

Lani:   I still can’t believe you came just to walk me up the stairs
Jake:   i like what i like..
and i like her a lot

Jake:   wow i cant believe you took my breath and all my thoughts..
Lani:   I know same here
I felt like I was on cloud 9
Jake:   i think that’s what happened.. we went somewhere and we didn’t know how to react when we came back here
totally new experience i didn’t know people were able to feel.. without taking some sort of drug..
okay i’m rolling out of here.. bye pathfinder..
Lani:   You are crazy
Jake:   crazy for someone named Lani
Lani:   I am smiling like crazy
I don’t think this is normal
Jake:   it’s the new normal?
you deserve to be happy
Lani:   Are you home yet?
Jake:   not yet
i was in the garage super long
Lani:   Why did you stay that long?
Jake:   i was just living in the moment
i didn’t want to leave you
every time we increase our intimacy by a tiny bit.. the intensity is felt like 10 times greater than ever before
Lani:   This is just crazy

Jake:   you know if you had a drink with me.. you might trick me into getting your pregnant..
Lani:   Hahaha
Jake:   LOL
Lani:   Wouldn’t you like that?
Jake:   the pregnant part?
Lani:   Both
Jake:   hahahah
drinks yes
holding you yes
see you in the dark?
well i can’t see in the dark
Lani:   Lmao
Jake:   i think our minds would be blown away
we might actually die
Lani:   Wow!
That good huh?
Jake:   i don’t know
i didn’t know you can make me feel like this
just from a hug
better than any kiss
better than wow..
you truly are my bff
no one has been able to make me feel so connected..
no pressure
so natural
it’s like you’re my first love
i haven’t feel like this ever
Lani:   Ever?
Jake:   not like this
most of my relationships are physical
we don’t share anything but our bodies
or kisses
i never felt like i belonged
wow
i’m complete lost
Lani:   So this is very true
Oh wow
Jake:   so i have been doing all the talking
is it just one way..
you don’t have to feel what i feel
also the things i do.. i do it not to be romantic.. i do it because i enjoy it..
Lani:   I know I don’t have to feel what you feel but I do
Jake:   i like opening doors.. i like seeing you..
Lani:   I am so terrified of my own feelings
Jake:   so that’s one of my fears.. am I helping you or am I hurting you..
you said last night you felt you were about to have a nervous break down
Lani:   You know if I get hurt its not your fault right
Jake:   actually if i hurt you, it is my fault for checking you out at jerrybuilt
Lani:   Lol
Jake:   i was completely mesmerized by you
Lani:   You know that I wouldn’t mind getting hurt by you
Jake:   i don’t mind either.. otherwise i would have never gotten to feel what i’m feeling now.. utter and completely lost into you..

Jake:   i miss you.. all i think about is you..
you keep on surprising me with how much i can feel
Lani:   I miss you too!
Jake:   if all this is a program i think we are about to crash the system
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   one of these days i’ going to lightly touch hour lips with mine and.. bam. system failure..
the lights are going to start flashing
the stairs fold into a slide
floors are going to collapse into itself.. all because we refused to follow the systems protocol

Jake:   i miss you Lani..
i’m not sure how much i can say it and have it equal to how much i actually miss you
Lani:   I miss you too!

such a beautiful smile
I can look at that picture almost all day
of course I’ll need to squeeze in some sleep
and then look at it again

Lani:   Since I have no one to take the stairs, I am taking the elevator
Jake:   funny
did you know i still take the stairs without you
Lani:   I know you are better than me

Jake:   i know when you are tasked something you get it done
yes?
i know you’re a pleaser
yes?
i know you are an emotional person
yes?
i pretty much described myself
and you’re easy on the eyes
also you take my breath away
Lani:   You always manage to make me smile
Jake:   you took it away when i first saw you
and you took it away today
Lani:   But you didn’t know it was me at jerrybuilt
So it doesn’t count
Jake:   well i was hit hard
you wowed me
even though i didn’t know it was you
but you knew it was me
hmm.. so every time we talked afterwards you knew i had already checked you out?
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   so unfair.. you had an advantage
Lani:   I didn’t think you remembered me so I left it alone lol
Jake:   hahaha
you’re right i didn’t know
Lani:   I miss you so much!

Jake:   i miss you.. i miss you the moment you exit the stairs on your floor and i miss you again when I close your car door..
so weird.. i feel like i’m not supposed to just let you walk away or drive away..
Lani:   I miss you too!

Lani:   Okay I am already walking lol
Jake:   okay
you’re so freaken pretty

Jake:   if i didn’t initially checked you out.. if i didn’t say hi.. if i didn’t tried to talk to you.. didn’t call out your hair..
ignored your email.. didn’t accept your lync invite.. didn’t tell you i like you.. how i find you attractive.. how the things you do.. the person you are.. makes me feel a certain way..
you would not be feeling this guilty
i really have to put the blame on myself
Lani:   No it’s not your fault
Jake:   good thing i never kissed you..
i don’t want to confuse you.. i’m really sorry Lani..
i need to stop being so selfish.
Lani:   You make me happy but I know deep down that I will not be able to walk away
Jake:   i don’t want you to walk away..
Lani:   And I also know.. ..it’s selfish of myself to take you away
I am going crazy
Jake:   you’re not going crazy
Lani:   I am really
To think that I can be happy without hurting anyone else is stupid thinking
I think the right thing to do is stop the hugs, calls and text outside of work
At least until we both figure out what’s best
Jake:   okay. Lani.
Lani:   Life sucks you know
Jake:   not if you know what you want
i know what i want
Lani:   I know what I want but I can’t
Jake:   okay.
and life does not suck
this is life
Lani:   Yes it does
Jake:   it’s supposed to challenge you
if life was mundane it wouldn’t be worth living
you have made me feel something i have never felt.. life is awesome..
Lani:   Why do I feel like it’s been a challenge for so long?
Jake:   for you it’s a nonstop challenge because you haven’t done anything different
you can’t expect it to stop.. the same long challenge to stop if you’re not making changes to stop it
i know you hate it that i can just accept what you say.. that i’m not fighting to persuade you.. but i want what you think is best for you.. even if i disagree
the best things in life are never easy
Lani:   I know
Jake:   the day or moment you tell me no more jake.. i will respect that.
i will return to my normal self
doing my normal things
walk my normal walk
laugh my normal laugh 😬
i will always have the memory of you returning my phone in kroger’s parking lot
and my first real hug
Lani:   Did you get my last 2 messages
My Lync seems not to be working
Jake:   mines too
it’s all hosed
Lani:   I think it’s you then
Jake:   i guess it knew
Lani:   Really Jake
Jake:   hahaha
i’m sorry
i can’t help it
i see things.. differently
Lani:   Even when I feel like crap you can always put a smile on this face

Jake:   you know you cheated
you didn’t wear your ugliest outfit
Lani:   I know
I saw this dress and it had been a while since I wore it to work
Jake:   i wanted to prove to you even with your ugliest look and outfit.. you would still look fantastic to me..
Lani:   Lol
Maybe next week
Jake:   but there’s no point in saying or doing that..
it’s okay Lani
you don’t have to try to please me
Lani:   I know I don’t have
Jake:   wow my lync window is really dead
i guess it took it harder than i thought
Lani:   Lol
Hahaha
Jake:   it’s more emotional then me

Jake:    question.. did you get sad when I told you I almost removed you from my lync?
Lani:    Yes
Jake:    okay we are meant to me Lani
I couldn’t do it
I only thought of doing it to make you happy
but I couldn’t

Jake:   i’m walking up your stairs 😁
Lani:    Why?
Jake:   habit?
and maybe a little wishful thinking
Lani:   Hmmm
For?
Jake:   😬
if i have to explain it then i don’t deserve it
Lani:   Wishful thinking that I might be waiting for you

Lani:    I can still smell you
Jake:    you know it’s impossible to smell me through 3 floors
i think it’s all in your head
maybe you have fallen for my charms but you refuse to accept it
Lani:    My hair smells like you

i think what just happened was way too powerful
i know we will be together
it’s the energy between us

Jake:   i want to hold you Lani
Lani:   I want you to hold me

Lani:   But at least I will call you
That’s something right
Jake:   that’s everything
having you on the phone is like having you in person
i enjoy talking to you on the phone the most
you’re more yourself
Lani:   I enjoy talking to you in person, text, IM, phone everything
Jake:   😁
me too
i love every moment we spend together
i was trying to down play the importance of having you physically with me
Lani:   Lol
😂
Jake:   i can’t take glances are you over the phone
or touch you ever so lightly.. caress your back.. fingers.. hair.. or almost kiss you..
but i’ll take anything you give me to know you’re there
Lani:   😍 That’s how you make me feel
Loved
Jake:   me too
i do love you .. 😁😁😁😁😁
that wasn’t easy to type..
you make me feel everything
Lani:   My whole body went numb
My heart is racing
Jake:   Lani
you can’t pass out on me..
Lani:    I am trying not too
Jake:   you won by the way..
i said it first
by months…
Lani:   I am still in shocked
Jake:   you are so special to me
Lani:   And you are to me

Jake:   did you know i was in tears this morning
i went to the break room to text you
Lani:   Why?
Jake:   when you told me maybe we should stop
Lani:   I was too
Jake:   so i was in tears three times today
again when i was in front of the computer
Lani:   And the third
Jake:   good thing i know how keep my eyes open
and force it to absorb the overflow
Lani:   I am sorry about that
Jake:   happened a few seconds ago
still keeping my eyes open
Lani:   Oh my goodness Jake
I can’t wait till tomorrow when we talk
Is it 7am yet
Jake:   😅
Lani:   I miss you!
Jake:   i miss you too Lani!

Lani:   I miss you!
Jake:   i miss you too Lani.. and i get to miss you for three whole days..
Lani:   😔
Jake:   it’s okay..
it’s really not a bad thing.. i get to explore this feeling and absorb it..
i think it’s an awesome feeling
Lani:   An awesome feeling that keeps you up and doesn’t let get enough sleep
Jake:   funny
it doesn’t keep me up.. it wakes me up
i happy to wake up thinking about you
it’s like waking up for a field trip
you’re excited and eager to see what the day has in store..
you make my days more wonderful..
Lani:   😆
Thank you for making me feel so special
Jake:   you are very special to me

Jake:   you make me too happy
more happy than normal
i wonder if people notice
maybe not since i normally smile and say hi to people 😁
Lani:   Yes they notice

Lani:   I miss you
Jake:   i’ve been miss you..
i miss you a lot
we are 15 minutes away
not sure if we should show up late
or just skip it
Lani:   Be late
Make an entrance
Jake:   only you want me to make a big entrance
Lani:   Hahaha
You made a big entrance in my life
Jake:   ☺️ you gave me something i never experienced.. you make my breaths more meaningful
i won’t ever be able to thank you enough
Lani:   You don’t have to thank me at all

Lani:   So I am laying here in bed with baby next to me and oh goodness this girl has her tiny little hand all over my tummy and other places near the top
Jake:   nice
lucky girl
i only get to feel her mom’s heart beat
Lani:   That’s enough
Isn’t it?
Jake:   it is
more than enough actually

Lani:   I am pretty sure you do things for me to make me happy
And nothing in return
Jake:   the stuff i do for you makes me happy
you make me happy

Lani:   Ready for me to call you
Jake:   yes
Lani:   I can talk to you for forever
Jake:   probably because we are supposed to me together forever
Lani:   Probably
Jake:   okay remove probably
😊
Lani:   Jake
Jake:   yes Lani?
Lani:   Do you know that you make me extremely happy
Jake:   i think we are in the same boat
Lani:   You do know that I miss you right
Jake:   i know Lani and i miss you a lot

Jake:   i know we both care for each other a lot
i think we more than care for each other
you know how i feel for you
but you just need more time to be sure 😊
i think you feel the same
Lani:   You know me too well
Jake:   Lani
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   you can’t get sad when i’m joking yes?
you are the world to me
Lani:   Okay
I will try my best not too
Jake:   i don’t get sad when you don’t accept it when i tell you you’re beautiful
Lani:   True

Jake:   wow i sound awful
hahhah
Lani:   Hahaha
You sound just perfect
Jake:   You’re the best
Lani:   No I am not
Jake:   best to me
Lani:   😉
Jake:   I can spend all day with you Lani
Lani:   Me too
With you

Jake:   Lani you might not be happy with me.. i’ll fatten you up and not on purpose
Lani:   Lol
Jake:   your mom however will love me
Lani:   You would have to make my fat butt run everyday
Jake:   i would run with you
2-4 miles everyday
and then make love for another 30-60 minutes
break and repeat
Lani:   Hahaha
Jake:   hahaha

Jake:   okay. let’s stop doing what we are doing until we are in a better situation.
i need to not make it harder for you.
Lani:   This is already hard
Jake:   i know
both my eyes suck
Lani:   I hate this
Jake:   i’m sorry Lani.
Lani:   I am sorry too
Jake:   thank you for everything.. you have been my best adventure!
and experience
Lani:   Thank you for showing that it’s still possible to smile and that happiness is everywhere
I will always have that in my heart
You will always hold a place in my heart!
Jake:   i will always be in love with you..
Lani:   This is so hard.
Please don’t hate me.
Jake:   i don’t hate you at all
Lani:   I will withdraw from the position in your department that I applied for, I think it’s the right to do
Thank you Jake!
Jake:   don’t do that
i think we will be okay
if you get it
we are not even in a relationship Lani. you’re still my bff 😊
Lani:   Are you sure?
Jake:   yes
Lani:   You are awesome! Beyond great
Jake:   i promise everything will be okay

Jake:   question
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   was this my idea or yours? because i’m not doing a good job of executing it..
i’m not as strong as i thought i would be
Lani:   Both of us
Jake:   😕
Lani:   I know this has been the hardest day
I been thinking about you all day
Jake:   i’ve been crying all day
Lani:   Don’t say that
I can’t talk much right now
Jake:   i can’t shake my feelings for you
Lani:   I will try to message you later tonight or tomorrow
Jake:   okay sorry
ttyl
Lani:   Am glad you texted me
Jake:   ☺️
Lani:   ☺️
Jake:   wow that’s all it took to make me feel better
thank you Lani!
Lani:   Okay talk to you later!
One last thing before I stop texting right now…. I have missed you like crazy
Jake:   😄😄😄
i miss you too .. obviously.. i’ve been having a hard time breathing normal and talking normal all day

Jake:   so i can call you for a 3 second conversation?
Lani:   3 second lol
Jake:   yes
Lani:   Is that even possible with us?
Jake:   i just want to say something
Lani:   You can call me now
You are crazy
It was nice hearing your voice!
Jake:   😁
only one better way to say it.. it would be in person
Lani:   Lol
I didn’t think you had it in you to do a 3 second call
Jake:   but i did it 😁
Lani:   Yes you did
And I wasn’t ready to let you go lol
Jake:   we are never ready to let each other go
i think we tried twice
yesterday and the day we went to morningside
let’s stop trying that.. and accept take we are meant to be together..
Lani:   Okay
I agree with you

Jake:   i miss you Lani
Lani:   I miss you too!!!!!
At least we got to talk for a tiny bit
Jake:   😁 yes!
every little bit counts
is it bad that i feel you are meant for me and i just need to be patient?
Lani:   It is bad because I don’t want you to hurt
Or get hurt
Jake:   hurt like yesterday?
Lani:   Yes
Or worst
Jake:   even though i enjoyed it?
how worst is worst?
Lani:   I don’t know how worst
Jake:   i don’t think it can get worst than yesterday
i lost you yesterday
Lani:   But I just don’t want to hurt you, you mean a lot to me and would hate to hurt you
Jake:   lost you lost you
i know.. but if you didn’t hurt me.. it would mean i didn’t value you
that i didn’t care for you
it is because i care for you so much.. that it hurts..
yes?
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   question
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   were you hurt yesterday?
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   and it ended when i messaged you yes?
Lani:   It was crazy how I felt
I kept looking at my phone and I wanted to text you so bad
Yes
Jake:   and i asked you if it was my decision or yours..
Lani:   Yes
Jake:   and that feeling was amazing right?
huge relief
so you could breathe again
Lani:   Yes

Jake:    so.. this morning.. I slowly got more comfortable..
I went from.. when should I let go.. to.. I don’t want to let go..
Lani:    That’s how I felt
Were you surprised that I didn’t let go right away
Jake:    yes! Lani.. I can hold you all day..

Jake:    we are so meant to be Lani.. we have the same amount of consideration for each other
Lani:    Thank you for making me smile all the time
Jake:    almost all the time.. you can’t forget our two break ups..
Lani:    Funny
Jake:    you make me happy and smile all the time too
most of the time
Lani:    We are not even in a relationship and we are breaking up
Jake:    i know
Lani:    Like 80% of the time
Jake:    man you’re making me smile like  a dummy
this is the most powerful relationship I never had
Lani:    never had lol
Jake:    have you ever had a connection with anyone as strong as what we have?
everything we do.. feels magnified..
Lani:    I know

So you know that the scars will always remind me of you and how I was trying to text you while curling my hair

i like big eyes..
yes
i like nice lips
yes
but those alone do not make me happy
you’re beautiful to me..

yes your lips are nice
and they make a perfect smile
physically.. I like everything about you
you’re the perfect size..
I love looking at your eyes.. whenever you let me
i love looking at your lips..
your face..
and your body when you’re walking in front of me..
the way you make me feel can’t be explained with simple words..
i’ve never melted into someone’s arm
that happened today

Lani:    One day I am going to wake up and all this is going to be a beautiful dream
Jake:    all this is not a dream
it’s some crazy wonderful event that I get to live everyday..
almost everyday
Lani:    Almost everyday  (not weekends lol)
Jake:    weekends are so lonely and long..

Jake:    it’s all split seconds
but in those split seconds I see everything
Lani:    Everything?
Jake:    hahah
you know..
I see your decisions
I see your happiness.. you wonderment.. you confusion..
I see a lot
Lani:    Oh my goodness you totally get me

Lani:    would you by any chance ever want more kids
Jake:    only if you want them
I want to give you everything you want
emotionally and physically if required
Lani:    What if you wanted more kids but I didn’t
Jake:    I don’t want more kids
for myself
but if you wanted to
I would give you .. one kid..
Lani:    You would be willing to have more kids just to make someone happy
Jake:    kids do make the bond stronger if the bond is not very strong
but I think what we have is very strong
and a child is the product of that love..
but I don’t need you to prove to me that you love me by providing me with an off spring..

Jake:    Is it bad every time you are about to release me.. you look at me and I want to kiss you?
Lani:    Well as long as you don’t do it we are good right
Jake:    I won’t do it
Lani:    If it makes you feel any better you are not the only one that thinks about it
Jake:   We might open a Pandora’s box that we can’t close..

Jake:    Lani
Lani:    yes Jake
Jake:    I just wanted to say your name..

Jake:    here’s how I feel about what we have.. you know I feel we are supposed to be together.. that’s obvious.. whenever we leave each other it feels like I’m leaving home without making sure everything is locked.. the stove is turned off.. or I left my wallet and phone at home.. like it just lingers.. like I didn’t do something.. maybe I’m not supposed to leave home..
Lani:    But I am not home at least not now…

Jake:    question.. if you knew in your heart.. you were meant for someone else.. someone else was meant for you.. would you let that go.. and let it lingering..
I guess eventually that lingering would go away?
Lani:    That’s a hard question
Jake:    on saturday.. I told you I would always be in love with you.. did I hurt you more by saying that..
Lani:    Yes
Jake:   
Lani:    I wonder if we both decide to stay in our current situations would you always think me or would that beautiful memory go away eventually
Jake:    it would never go away
only way it would decrease would be if one of us said.. sike!
Lani:    haha
Jake:    I never cried like how I cried..
I have cried after a break up.. but it was always brief
like maybe 30 minutes max
or during the break up
but I have always been able to shake it off quickly
Lani:    crazy how we are not even in a relationship and it’s worst that being in one
Jake:    all the little things we do.. we feel it..
immensely

Jake:    I’m not sure you know.. I like you as is..
thinner.. thicker.. doesn’t really matter
I like the way you react when I touch you..
when I talk to you..
you touch and entertain all my senses..
when you look at me.. and when you look away from me..
it’s all so incredible.
Lani:    You make me super nervous you know that
You make my knees weak
Jake:    I love your reactions
you really make me feel wonderful

Jake:   how do you tell someone you found your soul mate..
that’s impossible right?
people don’t really find their soul mate?
i even told her that years back
there’s no such thing as a soul mate
your soul mate is who you choose that person to be
Lani:   Do you still think that?
Jake:   then you happened upon me
you broke my thinking
i only knew what i experienced and up until i met you.. all the people i met were just that people.. pretty yes.. but that connection has always been forced
you are what movies are made of..
i still can’t believe how i feel for you.. how every little laughter you produce tickles me.. fills me.. even the slightest of slight touch.. it’s electric
i found my source of free natural energy
Lani:   Wow! I don’t think anyone has ever said any of those things to me
Jake:   clean fuel?
not one?
you make them happy?
your laughter puts a smile on their face?
i’m sure guys say something..
“prettiest girl in the world”?
Lani:   Nothing compare to what you say
Jake:   that’s also why i like you a lot.. you really appreciate me..
my words and actions
no matter how small
Lani:   Yes appreciate you and will thank you every day for making me feel the way you
Jake:   😁 my actions are so because of you
i wouldn’t feel alive like this if i never “checked” you out
if you didn’t let me “insult” you
if you never shot me that email..
Lani:   Lol
Funny
Jake:   you have to take the blame for my actions
some blame
only you knew you were that girl
Lani:   I take the blame
I should of just ignored you lol
Jake:   hahaha
and you would have never found me.. and i would have never get to experience what it feels like to be completely in awe of someone
to finally feel emotionally connected to someone
and not just any connection something so deeper that it can’t be explained in mere words.. but i have tried
what we have is what everything in the universe wants.. to be awaken and feel everything.. and yes it’s not a dream.. that’s the craziest part.. it’s real
me and you.. we are very real
Lani:   Are we?
Jake:   😕
Lani:   We might not be
But everything you said is so true and you know it scares me a lot

Jake:   but when i touched you.. you were paralyzed
for a brief second..
Lani:   I don’t know what you do to me but man I think I passed out for seconds
Jake:   Lani you found your one

Jake:   i’m such a distraction
Lani:   You really are lol
Jake:   you should just get it over with
give me a bad kiss
Lani:   Lol
Jake:   break that seal
LOL
Lani:   Really
Jake:   no
Lani:   Crazy
Jake:   don’t do it unless you’re ready
Lani:   I know
Trust me I know
Once that’s done, there’s no going back for me
Jake:   i think if or when that happens
we will be lost
if it happens like how we hug.. and it just grows..
i’m not sure we can handle the charge..
Lani:   Oh my goodness this is insane

Jake:    I want to get up
I enjoy the mornings.. monday through friday..
it’s like a morning kiss
it’s more..
but I really like receiving your good mornings
it’s an amazing feeling
if I can say good morning to you at 4AM
I would
Lani:    lol
Jake:    if I can say good morning to you at midnight I would
my whole entire day is better because I know you’re out there
that you’re thinking of me..
feeling me..
how can I better explain it.. have you every looked out into the sky.. or across the land.. and wonder what’s out there.. what’s beyond that hill.. or trees.. or stars..
and the dream.. or hope.. that someone else is doing the same?
well I found.. that in you..
I think about you all the time.. hoping you’re thinking about me.. and you confirm that with randomly saying “hi” to me..
it let’s me know.. I’m special to someone that’s special to me..
Lani:    You keep melting my heart

Jake:   thank you for texting me
Lani:   I look forward to texting you every morning
Jake:   😊
me too
i’ll going to miss you all day!
baby is dancing to my jams
Lani:   Cute!
I will miss you too!
Jake:   i was going to trick you if you said i miss you first
Lani:   Hahaha
I miss you all the time
Jake:   me too..
why do i get so emotional thinking about you..

Jake:   good morning
Lani:   good morning….. Can you call me, I need to talk to you please

want to tell her I love her for free.. no strings attached

I love being myself
but now
I have never felt this way
I want to tear off my own skin

when this happened for one day
it was barely bearable
but this time
it’s almost nearly impossible
drowning for a day wasn’t easy
drowning for over half a month is insane
I’m not sure how much longer I can endure

I love being with you
I love knowing you’re there
I love everything about you

saw you sitting in your car
walked over and saw you were on the phone
turned around and walked away
was going to walk you in
or take you away for the day

you said I can’t help you..
“no one can..”
but you know that’s not true.
I’m probably the only person that can make the pain go away.
You feel this way because of how much I mean to you.
This is the result of extreme happiness taken away..
I’ll always be here when you’re ready to talk..

every time I think about how I sound to you..
and your response of “you sound just perfect”
I cry..

I hate everyday that goes by
that I don’t get to hear your voice

I saw it
for a tiny tiny bit
you looked at me and smiled
and behind that smile
was true happiness
something you have been missing or
hiding for over a month

I said I would be fine
“I like how I feel”
how would I know I would be fine
when I have never felt like this
I can’t stop thinking about you
all I have been doing is thinking of
what to do with you
what to share with you
I want to tell you how much I miss you
but I know it would only hurt you more
if I really care about you
I need to you leave you
the fuck alone
and I really do care about you
so it’s time for me to truly try to leave you alone